Gathering my thoughts...

i know i haven't been on in a while but i've had a hectic few days. i just haven't been feelin that well this week. my brain will be back to normal soon :)

Sucky days...

after having less than four hours of sleep and then having to wake up and go to class from 8 in the morning until 4, i'm what they call drained. it was just a sucky weather day where clearly the atmosphere was torn between torrential rain, light drizzle, or partly sunny skies. it seemed like everytime i left a class to go to my next which always happened to be all the way across campus i was stuck in another one of the weather's horrible mood swings. (i know i sound really miserable but so what. lol)

i can't wait to escape this madness and go to hot and sunny jamaica next week for spring break. :)

My brain is at its limit....

writing my paper....ughhhhh. this sucks. the end product is always great but the process is always grueling when it is about stuff you could care less about. lol

me and the other roomies have had a discussion and after six months we have finally made some headway with regards to the cleanliness of this apartment. now all that's left is to talk with ms. chocolate (the one i actually share the room with) about the apartment hunting for next year. she has it in her mind that me, her, and her best friend are going to live together and that is not going down. eh-eh. no siree....ohhh how i dread these types of conversations. wish me luck! besos!

You bumbling fools....

Sooooo...while I was supposed to be writing my paper on Mary Wollstonecraft and women and the enlightenment and getting absolutely nowhere, I happened to find myself on craigslist. How I managed to get there?? I have no idea. Call it extreme boredom. I took it upon myself to venture into the section called "rants and raves." What I stumbled upon floored me to say the least:

Black People
Reply to: pers-586610987@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-25, 5:31PM EST

First of all you cry about everything. At restaurants, you are a waitress's worst nightmare. You always complain your food is not done, not on time, or service was not good. Your 12% of the US population but 90% of the prison population. your criminals. You complain the cops are racist but other minorities aren't arrested nearly as much. You ruin the community. Neighborhoods that use to be mostly white and quiet with barely any crime are now black and crime-filled. Black athletes become millionaires and still are criminals. You are dirty. You smell like garbage. You think it is ok for you to hate white people, but yet cause riots when white people are racist. You are not qualified for jobs but get them anyway because the government says companies must hire a certain amount of blacks. Lastly and perhaps worst of all, barack o bama will get elected only because he is black and not because he is the best person for the job. You are pathetic, time to change your attitude on life and yourself. Go to school, stay in school, get a job, be productive stop counting on the government my taxes are sick of paying for your nonworking ass

Now not to say that I don't agree with the fact that black people can be some of the most difficult individuals to deal with in the service industries. I worked in retail and food service and I always rolled my eyes when I had to deal with black people. And not because I am racist against my own kind; simply because they always made my life extremely difficult. For example, when I worked at Subway, it always had to be the black person that asked me to go allllll the way to the back to get them "fresh tomatoes" or "brighter cheese" or any other nonsensical request they had. No I'm not even joking.

On the other hand, it is so unbelievable to me that this post was one of many ignorant ones degrading the black race. I just sat there completely confused that there actually are people out there that could so fiercely believe that blacks are incapable of doing anything aside from committing crimes and making babies. I can't understand that, when everyday, I'm surrounded by black people who are doing so much more with their lives. Intelligent, capable human beings not the "baboons" that they describe. But I can't argue with people like that because its pointless. Clearly they have already formed an opinion that was probably passed down to them from their parents, parents' parents, and so forth. It is a cyclical thing. But who cares? Not me. You won't see me out there picketing. Instead, my stance against this ignorance will be me graduating from college and becoming the successful individual that I was destined to be. Then raising my kids with the same values my mother instilled in me so they can grow up to be just like me...proud, black, blind to the ignorance of those who believe that they're only capable of becoming another statistic. Yayyyy!

Oh and btw...I seriously believe that BET is the root of all evil which gives these individuals some of their reasons for the way they think black people behave. Down with BET and its glorification of black ignorance!!!!! :) Fight the power! lol.

*sigh*

i've spent the last few hours laying on my bed staring at the ceiling and listening to any depressing song that comes up on shuffle on my itunes. the wonderful bitches that live upstairs have been draggin furniture and stomping across the floor all night. if its midnight and they're still doing that crap its gonna be a showdown in room 507.

anyway back to me being depressed. mr. flyy as always came to my rescue. tellin me nice things. despite the way things have turned out between us. on the other hand, my sadness completely went over mr. maxima's head. ughhh. sometimes i just want to kick him. no really. he calls me and here is how the conversation went...

ring ring
me: hello?
him: singing loudly
me: silence and eye rolling
him: (screaming) lightskinned!!!! wat u doin???
me: laying down and listening to music
him: whats wrong with u? why u sound like that?
me: im just not feeling well. im kinda sad.
him: oh. u ok?
me: umm...i guess
him: oh (returns to singing loudly for a total of 3 minutes)
me: i'll call u back lata

ughhhh. he gets on my nerves sometimes. anyhoo gotta go. the harlem kids are coming to chill and provide some laughter and entertainment. besos!

Call me weirdo

I have always been the outsider. I am not socially adept. Until I reached college, I never like friends. I have always quietly observed my spineless peers throughout my years in the public education system. Moving aroundmany times made me that way. My mother's choice of a nomadic life in my younger years resulted in me taking an outsiders role when all the other kiddies my age were enjoying their meaningless friendships. As a child, my sensitivity and my temper was my downfall, so friends (when they did come) didn't stay very long, because I was always betrayed those taking advantage of my naivete of the adolescent ways of the world. It was in those moments that I realized the contradictory establishment developed by the socially retarded called popularity but I didn't let it go just yet.

In this world, social standing was everything. In public shcools, how popular you were was determined by the number of jordans that you had. If u didn't have that, either you had to be funny, have a ridiculous body that made all the boys go nuts and wanna smack ya butt in booty tag, or you had to be a fighter. I fell in the funny category. Consistently making all the kiddos laugh and getting myself into trouble with shirt and ties up at administration. After a number of phone calls home, detentions, and ass-whoopings, I realized, that I would never be a part of this world. When I came into my own money in high school and started buying the clothes I wanted, was the time when I accidentally fell into the upper echelons of the social hierarchies. Its disgusting. The betrayal I saw. The fights I witnessed. The fakeness. The pettiness. Everything. It took one misstep to cast out of this social strata. It took one off day. It took being individual. In this world of social standing and popularity individuality is eeevvilll. Instead, conformity is everything. Smiling in the faces people I didn't like (which was everybody). Wearing the clothes that everybody else wore. Spending every last dollar trying to fit in. I got caught up I can't lie.

But I stopped. I made it a mission to get out of high school as quickly as I could and go on to the magical parallel universe called college. Where I so stupidly believed was devoid of social standings. Ha! Was I wrong! I came to a large public university in a well-known city. My school, ranked one of the most culturally diverse of the nation is almost as segregated as they come. Everybody sticks to their own kind since there are enough of each race to go around. I got stuck with the black people, knee deep in a world where drama is always at a constant high. Even here social standing is everything. The worst part was, we were supposed to be the smart ones. Yet ignorance is still alive and well. It was as if I never left that high school world with the clearly defined class lines. Here, how you dress is everything, how many people u know is everything, and how immersed you become in their world is everything. Its disgusting. They are like wolves. They have no idea that this world that they've create doesn't matter. They've gotten so caught up socially that they forgot they actually are paying for an education here. I watch them. I am a quiet observer of their ways. I wanna scream from the rafters of the student center that they're all losers. When I see them sitting eating their food I want to throw water balloons at them to mess up their well thought out outfits that they used to maintain their position in the social order.

I am an outsider. I am not them. I will never be. And I'm still happily sticking up my middle fingers to all the morons basking in the artificial glow of their popularity. Boo-yah-ka-sha! Besos!

A Dream Come True....

BREAKING NEWS

Ms. Alicia Keys is coming to my oh-so-wonderful university for a performance. OMG. OMG. I'm hype as shit. I've wanted to go to a concert of hers ever since she came out 7 years ago. I own every single one of her albums and I'm just in love. I can listen to her for hours and get lost between the notes and the verses and never want to come up for air. AHHH...she's my hero. lol. if anyone knows her, just tell her I wanna be her friend cuz she's hot shit. thanks. lol. now that I've gotten that out my system. I can't wait. No really. Now I just need a sponsor. I am jobless and have an upcoming trip to Jamaica for spring break that is definitely going to deplete whatever little bit is left of my funds. so if anyone would like to give me some money for a ticket i'll be more than happy to take donations. lol. im kidding (unless you really want to. lol) besos.

poppin the cherry

so my bloggin cherry has been popped which of course is an exciting moment in my life. i've spoken about creating a blog for so long now but i've finally have gotten around to to doin it. im just too hype that finally there is an outlet for my demented mind. lol.

i haven't done anything this morning. its snowing outside and it looks like too much work to actually bundle up and brave the cold weather. instead, i sit inside and roast because my wonderful roomates don't have the sense enough to put the heat below 80 degrees. if i have to wake up with one more nosebleed i swear im gonna litter all my bloody tissues all over their floor and see how they like that. anyhoo, back to my morning, i missed the democratic debate last night but i'm watching it now. but i've found myself tuning both Obama and Clinton out (because once you've seen one you've seen 'em all), and just focusing on their body language. if you've ever watched when Obama is speaking and the camera zooms in on Hillary, she has this sarcastic smirk on her face. its kinda disgusting and realy irritating. i don't like her. she's just angry. an angry, miserable woman. she needs therapy. or a kick down the stairs. that might be a humbling experience :)