she's baaaccccckkkk

So I'm back. I had been so completely submerged in school work I could hardly breathe. It was stressful. It still isn't over but at least I have finally gotten a chance to exhale. Ahhhh. Yes I needed it.

I decided that I'm gonna stay at school in Philly. It isn't worth the trouble to transfer and lose credits and sacrfice my relationship with mom dukes. Now I'm just gonna stick it out in this shithole. I still have no clue what I'm gonna do with my life which is always great when you have two years left of school right? Law school is beginning to seem a daunting prospect. Money, money, money. I'd be on my own in the world with no money. $40000 a year tuition. Books to buy. Clothes to buy (yes I need it. lol) Food to buy. All these expenses that are just going to continue to pile up. Ughhhh. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. Then actually being a lawyer and working like a madwoman. 50, 60 hours a week. Ugghhhh. I don't know if I can do it. *sigh* Now back to the drawing board. Maybe with this new job at that I got at this consulting firm on wall street I can get some ideas or inspiration or something this summer. Who knows, who cares. I don't even wanna think about it anymore. I guess it'll come to me sooner or later.

You know what I also realized? I've been holding back too much on this blog. I started this because I needed an outlet. Its time for me to start using it as such.

sick days

i have been feeling sick since sunday. but it all came to a head this morning. i woke up with swollen glands, body aches, a fever, and other wonderful symptoms. :/. the good thing about it was that i was able to reschedule a speech that i was due to present today. yes! i was very excited because i was definitely not as ready as i could be.

i'm going home this weekend. my desire to escape is increasing. its depressing me. life seems to be turning upside down and sometimes it seems like i have nothing to look forward to. thankfully, the familia is there to rescue me and i shall leave on thursday and have an loooonnggg weekend minus the annoying roommates. maybe i could practice driving while im up there. i have had my permit for nearly two years with no license. yes, it sucks to be me. getting my license will certainly lift my spirits.

btw. i was irritated today. as i was walking to one of my classes this morning, this couple who had to be in their 30s were walking with their young son. they decided to all hold hands (which would have been cute under normal circumstances) and walk towards me. they did not change directions to avoid me. i know they must have saw me first because i was in my world until they were nearly right in front of me. they just continued to walk towards me linked together as if they were the owners of the narrow sidewalk and i was supposed to step off the curb to let the royal friggin family pass. yep. the jerks! the kid was innocent but their parents were meanies. couldn't they see that i was near death? (ok. thats an exaggeration but u get my point)

besos.

sucky singleness

i gotta get outta here. i keep having these weird dreams regarding my current friends. often times they involve me nearly dying as a result of one of them. scarrrryyyy. i jus need to escape get a hold of my life and start over. yep...sounds like a plan. if only it were that simple. *sigh*

so i'm single now. its kinda awkward. i guess with the unraveling of every other part of my life i'm kinda wondering if its the greatest time to be single. well i don't necessarily want a relationship rather a companion, a friend, a buddy to hang out with to soften the blow of feeling alone in some other ways. now i have an ex-boyfriend, mr. maxima, who from a distance is ok. he's the one whom i have the most phone convos with but he's also the one who 8 months ago, broke my heart into a million pieces. so i've decided i need something new. but i've also realized that single sucks. talking to guys in order to see some sort of potential is the most tedious, irritating experience. ughhhhh. one of my prospects was this IDIOT and me out of sheer boredom and possibly subconscious desperation decided that regardless of him completely not being my type (lacking in the intelligence department, disgustingly conceited, and just blatantly ignorant), continued to have a conversation with him and even explored the possibility of hanging out and seeing where it would go. why? why? why? needless to say it ended badly and as quickly as it began. so i am back at square one. yep. it's great.