i gotta get outta here. i keep having these weird dreams regarding my current friends. often times they involve me nearly dying as a result of one of them. scarrrryyyy. i jus need to escape get a hold of my life and start over. yep...sounds like a plan. if only it were that simple. *sigh*
so i'm single now. its kinda awkward. i guess with the unraveling of every other part of my life i'm kinda wondering if its the greatest time to be single. well i don't necessarily want a relationship rather a companion, a friend, a buddy to hang out with to soften the blow of feeling alone in some other ways. now i have an ex-boyfriend, mr. maxima, who from a distance is ok. he's the one whom i have the most phone convos with but he's also the one who 8 months ago, broke my heart into a million pieces. so i've decided i need something new. but i've also realized that single sucks. talking to guys in order to see some sort of potential is the most tedious, irritating experience. ughhhhh. one of my prospects was this IDIOT and me out of sheer boredom and possibly subconscious desperation decided that regardless of him completely not being my type (lacking in the intelligence department, disgustingly conceited, and just blatantly ignorant), continued to have a conversation with him and even explored the possibility of hanging out and seeing where it would go. why? why? why? needless to say it ended badly and as quickly as it began. so i am back at square one. yep. it's great.
3 comments:
I remeber going through a period like this in college and after I served a mission for my church for almost 2 years. When I got home all my friends were married and I was a lone wolf in college looking for a hang out buddy or a date. I started volunteering at Youth Servies a shelter for runaway teens who suffered from abuse or just plain stupidity. It busied my days and gave me purpose in the fluff and grind. I met some great people and serving others helped me to take the focus off of me and on to someone else. It was one of the best times of my life. Perhaps what you need is not a person to fill the void but a purpose and then the friendships will come on a grander level to a purpose filled Ms. Too!! Sometimes the social part of college life is as redundant, artificial and tiring as homework!! But enjoy it, life will always have peaks and valleys! sorry I didn't mean to be preachy! :)N
i see from your blog that you are being instrospective and desire to learn from your mistakes. as i've told you before, you are lightyears ahead of most of your peers and even a number of grownups. stop searching and that which you seek will find you. i promise.
besos.
;)
nikki, u definitely weren't preachy, u were honest and i appreciate it. it gave me a different perspective on my circumstances. your right i do need something with a purpose to occupy my time. i shall look into it. thanks!
namaste, its hard to stop searching being that i am constantly in my own thoughts and have a tendency to overthink things but i shall try. thanks!
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